I've no idea why but getting emotional lately that I almost got into depression. Those unhappy flash back is very clear, as if it happened yesterday. Are all this sign of aging or too stress ? Hmm...

Those feeling are so strong and hurtful , especially when I go swimming .. Maybe that the only time I feel that I have time to reflect. However I will ask myself , if I have the chance to travel back to the past , will I make the same decision ? I would say yes and no.. definitely my goal is to change into better future .. I'm pretty curious how will it turn out.

Everyone in those unhappy memories seem to have a wonderful life. Native thinking , do they still remember me ?

I'm back into blogging again ... :)

I felt that this is the best way to express my feeling rather than finding someone.  I'm not trying to act pitiful saying I doesn't have family, bf or close friends to trash it out. Simply they are not in my shoes , feeling the same way I did. So at time , they will accidentally give you a "do I care " look or expression or comments which make you feel stupid. Thinking why did you go around sharing with people this 😕? So foolish of me ..

Personally experienced it lately..

I'm having a really bad time in offices as management decided to outsource the project which im handling. Another meaning, I might loss my job . And yet we are not informed ! Pretending we dont know where it pretty obvious and many envidences showing their existence of 'stealing' our job. If that the cases im ready to leave this company . I got myself ready for the day to come since 3 months ago when my enginer were all retrenched and forced to join the new outsource company.

For the last 3 months , I think I almost get into depression. Exams , works and bf going oversea for work.. I'm been forced to be more independent ... not believeing anyone will lend me a helping hands... it true .. some bitches instead of helping me they sabotage !

Last week, we are asked to rate each  members with their positive and negative comments about them. And our course since my team left with 3 people , we cant escape such inhuman act (I dont understand why we should answer in the first place. In a team, everyone have thier strong and weak point, most importantly we work as a team ! That's for teamwork for .) So we did.

Below are the comment the write for me :
"
Colleague A:  sometimes can multi-task 2. try to avoid late & absences   

Colleague B: she is soft spoken and always talking nice to colleagues. 2. Very lazy. And late all the time." 

Like seriously ? I'm LAZY ?! Thank you for your feedback ya .. This is what I get from being too kind . If I'm lazy , I will never put on make up (especially with red lipstick ). Keep maintaining with my short and fat ball figure, keep my face full with pimples and acne, yawn annoying without influence people, talk like I'm dieing fat ass and cry when I can handle enginer and request to go home ! Wtf .. seriously ?? I really sound like somebody .. ohh that bitch...  if really cant do the job dont promise the boss and screwed up and dragging other people down to do the job. Pack your stuff and go back your country !! And this is against this women . 老鼠屎

What the point of sharing to close friends. They have no comments ( they might be thinking I'm really lazy what ) . Yes , I admit I can't accept the fact people who I think have lower capabilities (education, family background , personality etc  .) to give negative comments on me. Of cus to be my friends , I dun care whatever you have as long as your character are good will do. Maybe to people I dislike contribute more why I cant accept such comment from them.

And I can never forget the look on my frens face when I share this... that the point I know I've change ....

I know all this challenge I'm facing now are the process of life. I really feel so stress out growing up. I pray that God will walk me out of all this mess. 😇